Nervous Breakdown
by chazzercized
Summary: Syrus attempts to cope with his feelings for Jaden. One-sided anikishipping and established rivalshipping.


It wasn't as if Syrus had always been so... obsessed with sex. He'd been interested, of course, and his attraction to the Dark Magician Girl didn't go unnoticed by his peers or himself. However, no less than a couple weeks ago, he had experienced something that he hadn't meant to. Most people in his position would have gone about their business, looking just long enough to notice. Syrus, on the other hand, had done the exact opposite. He had woken up one morning to Jaden getting dressed. Instead of getting up and doing the same, or simply rolling over and falling back asleep, he found himself aroused.

Syrus always had strong feelings for his friend, but he had never considered them to be anything other than platonic. Syrus liked being close with him, close to him, and just the thought of Jaden could make him smile. The idea of losing him, or Jaden not wanting to be his friend anymore, upset him just as much as disappointing Zane used to. It wasn't until he started staring at Jaden longer than was appropriate, and his heart starting racing and his cheeks started burning every time they came in the simplest of contact, that Syrus began to think his feelings had developed beyond friendship. Sometimes he wondered if maybe it had never really been friendship that he felt.

This interest in Jaden became harder to ignore. It was almost as if his friend had recently taken up a new hobby, in which he wandered around their room with hardly any clothes. His attitude had changed a bit, too. Rather than his simple, friendly demeanor, there was a rather flirtatious air about him when everyone got together. The possible reasons for this struck Syrus' curiosity, but more than that, all of these things distracted him both mentally and physically. Sometimes he became so lost in his thoughts and daydreams that he would forget to react to someone speaking to him, sometimes even Jaden.

Hassleberry had commented on his behavior once, but left it alone when Syrus got defensive. It wasn't until Alexis had asked him if anything was wrong, that Syrus started actively trying to be more aware of how he acted around Jaden. It was just hard when everything about him had become endearing in a completely different way. At some point, Syrus had found himself searching for ways to watch Jaden. He spent all day with him, and all night in the same room, but that wasn't enough after awhile. In class, surrounded by people and stuck in his own head, he was a lot more fidgety than normal. He was filled with worry, on top of all the other things he fretted over, about how Jaden would react if he were to know about Syrus' growing obsession.

There wasn't anything else to call it, really. He was sure that he had come to the conclusion that he was in love. However, he also knew that watching Jaden every time he didn't think he would notice, and following him just to glimpse something he shouldn't be paying attention to, was not right. The thing that was most upsetting for Syrus was that he got turned on by just about anything he saw when he sneaked around like he was doing. It was enough to keep him masturbating nightly, but the aftermath always left him with a dissatisfied guilt, and an overwhelming sadness.

It was the end of the third week of this. After the sun went down, and everyone had gone to sleep, Syrus was laying in bed, doing his best not to think about Jaden. His friend had not returned and he was beginning to worry. Quietly, Syrus crawled out of the three-story bunk bed and slipped out of the room, doing his best to not wake Hassleberry; he really didn't have the patience to deal with him at that moment.

Outside was dark and cold. Syrus shivered and hugged himself for warmth. Walking down the stairs, he kept an eye out for anything that might be lurking in the shadows, as well as Jaden. Approaching Chazz's room, he considered the possibility that the two of them were together. While Syrus couldn't think of a reason they would hang out by themselves, especially at this hour, he decided to check.

After knocking once and getting no answer, Syrus slowly pushed the door open and peeked inside. The lights were on, though he didn't see Chazz and especially not Jaden. Without thinking much, he stepped inside and closed the door behind him. Maybe they were dueling? It was possible they were together, doing something of the sort, and this was where Jaden would come back to. Syrus wandered into the room, concerned that both of them appeared to be missing. There was a loud laugh from outside the door, and reacting on instinct, Syrus hid himself in the closest place to him; the closet.

He peered through the crack between the door and it's frame, as the front door flew open. When he saw Jaden come through, smiling brightly, he felt incredibly stupid for hiding. Sure, he was trespassing on Chazz's space, but it was just Chazz; he wasn't afraid of his bad attitude. Syrus frowned, disappointed in himself for acting so weak. As he wondered how he was going to come out and explain what he'd been doing in the room, especially in the closet, he heard something that made his head snap up in horror.

"Jaden, I swear if you make one more Trap Hole joke, I'm never fucking you again," Chazz said.

Syrus wasn't sure that he'd heard correctly, but as he watched him shut the door, he noticed that Jaden was yanking off his socks and trying to pull his shirt over his head. Nausea hit him like a wave, and he stared wide-eyed as Jaden fell onto the bed and crawled under the covers. After a moment he had tossed the rest of clothing on to the floor, grinning up at Chazz as he did so.

Chazz peeled off his clothing off easily, revealing too much of himself for Syrus to handle. This had not been something he'd ever wanted to see, especially not when it involved being nude with Jaden. To Syrus' horror, though not really to his surprise, he slid under the covers with Jaden. Despite the jealousy and the sick feeling in his chest, the idea of what was about to happen caused that tingling sensation he got whenever he watched his friend while he was alone.

"I'm putting the puns away, bro. Promise," Jaden said, and pulled Chazz close, kissing him.

What Syrus was feeling in this moment was jumbled and overwhelming. The shock of these two people together was bad enough on its own, but it was wrapped in a blanket of jealousy, that made him sad and angry at the same time. They seemed familiar, intimate, meaning this had been going on for some time. Syrus felt betrayed that Jaden hadn't confided in him even a little bit, but also grateful, because he really wished he could stop knowing it right now. The worst part of this moment, though, was that watching Jaden this way was making him hard.

Trying to avert his eyes as their bodies moved against each other, worked for less than a second. He was enthralled by what was happening, having never seen anything like it. He took solace in how attracted he was to one of the people involved, because there was no getting out of this now. Not without dying from embarrassment.

When Chazz positioned Jaden under him, Syrus was consumed by the mental image of what Jaden looked like lying beneath someone, sweating and aroused. With that thought in mind, he reached down to his constricting pants, and unbuttoned them. After a moment's hesitation, he nervously slipped his hand inside to touch himself.

The blankets were thrown aside, and Syrus no longer had to leave anything to his imagination. As fast as the blankets were gone, Chazz was inside Jaden. The sounds coming out of Jaden made him feel lightheaded. He placed his hand against the wall to steady himself and closed his eyes. With his other hand he stroked himself to the rhythm of Jaden's hips, using his imagination to fix the things wrong with the image before him.

Syrus knew he was close, and any nervousness about where he was at and what he was doing was drowned out by the excitement he felt. This euphoria was shattered suddenly by Jaden's voice. It was almost inaudible, but in the almost silent room, Syrus caught all of it.

"Chazz," Jaden moaned, "I need your Magical Cylinder in my Pot of Greed, baby."

Removing his hand from his dick, Syrus watched some of the fastest movements he had ever seen. Chazz had pulled out, got up, and grabbed Jaden by the arm, pulling him up. Jaden allowed himself to be removed from the bed as he laughed, too amused by his own joke to notice that he was being escorted aggressively from the room. Chazz opened the door and shoved a naked Jaden out into the cold night, before slamming the door and locking it.

Syrus was now extremely aware that he was still exposed and alone in a room with Chazz. He quickly pulled his pants back up and buttoned them. His hurried actions didn't work with how he had been kneeling, and with his hand not balancing him on the wall any longer, Syrus fell forward, knocking the door open and landing on his face. At least he'd gotten his pants down before he was caught.

The shirt he was wearing dug into his neck, as he was pulled by the collar to his feet by a very naked Chazz. He stood there, glaring down at Syrus with an expression of confusion mixed with fury.

"What the fuck were you doing in my closet?"

Syrus edged away from him, trying to look at anything but Chazz's body. It wasn't until now that Syrus had appreciated the amount of clothing the other boy usually wore. Trying to avoid where his eyes seemed intent on focusing, he lowered his gaze to his own feet, while he started tugging at his fingers nervously.

"I-i, uhm. I was looking for Jaden, and-" Syrus bit his lip, losing all coherency in his thoughts. There was absolutely no way to explain what he had done, or to escape with Chazz any less angry.

"So you thought you'd check my closet? Or did you hide in there hoping to get a show?" Chazz sneered.

Syrus looked up at him, horrified but glaring. While he had been watching what had transpired, rather than announcing himself before it started, he couldn't help but be offended at the suggestion that he had meant to watch. No, it was Chazz making the suggestion that annoyed Syrus. It almost implied he had wanted to see him doing anything sexual.

"No," he snapped back, confident through his anger, which was fueled by his jealousy and self-loathing. It would be nice to direct it all at someone else for a change.

"I was just so disturbed by the fact that Jaden would do anything like that with you, that I froze. I was dying to get out of that closet, but then I would have had to look at you naked. Unfortunately, that happened anyway," Syrus said, as snarky as he could. He looked away from Chazz' face and to the wall behind him.

He did this mostly because he was too tempted to look down, natural curiosity and all; but also because Chazz was giving him a knowing look that made Syrus uncomfortable. It was like he knew everything, even what Syrus was thinking right then. He could feel the anxiety bubbling up in his chest and he furrowed his eyebrows, hoping to convey irritation rather than the nervousness he was actually suffering from.

"Don't bother lying, pervert, I know what you were doing," Chazz chided.

Syrus' heart leaped into his throat, and his eyes widened as he focused back on the other boy's face. Chazz had a disgusted expression.

"I've seen you following him around, and you're always staring at him. If he wasn't so dense he would have noticed; you're not very subtle."

Syrus was horrified, and all his guilt and embarrassment reappeared from wherever his mind had hid them. He started to tear up and his hands began shaking. This seemed to put Chazz on edge, his face scrunched up in confusion and irritation. He seemed to be searching for something to say that might stop the crying, while Syrus was sure that nothing he said would make it any better. He could feel himself about to break down.

"I'm s-sorry," he whimpered, now fidgeting with his hands, as he dug his nails into the skin. "I didn't mean to spy, really. I just came to see where he was, and- and I didn't know what to do. He's just- I like him more than I should and I really don't mean to be perverted, I promise."

The tears fell, and Chazz lifted his hand as though he might try to comfort him. Instead, he dropped it back at his side and frowned. He was clearly still upset, and definitely disturbed; who wouldn't be? Syrus continued to cry quietly, chewing on the inside of his lip. He gazed up at Chazz waiting for the outcome.

Finally, Chazz sighed. It was unreadable, like his face had become. Instead of the anger and the disgust or even the confusion, he just looked bored with the subject.

"Whatever, loser," he said, and Syrus felt better just from not hearing the word pervert thrown at him. "Just get out of my room."

Syrus readily obliged, running out the door away from the scene of the embarrassing crime, and almost more importantly, the nude form of Chazz Princeton.

The day after, he spent all of class nervous. He'd gotten little sleep, and what he did get was exhausting and filled with half-asleep nightmares. All day, Syrus sat behind his desk, restless and filled with a sense of dread. He rubbed his feet roughly into his legs, he ground his teeth, he pushed against his eyes until he saw little sparks, and at one point Alexis slapped his hand because he'd been absentmindedly scratching his hands to the point of being red.

It was nerves. It was an anxiety he'd always had that seemed to be much bigger and more overwhelming than it had ever been. The focus of his fears was that Chazz would tell everyone what had happened, though that would mean outing whatever he and Jaden were doing. Which meant he would probably just tell Jaden. Syrus had already felt like he wasn't worthy of the friends he had, but he hoped that they would never realize they could do so much better.

Now he was sure of his unworthiness of everyone, especially Jaden, after he had worked himself up over what had transpired. It wasn't until he broke down in the hallway between classes, that Syrus realized just how much this was eating away at him. His knees gave way, and he fell to the ground, sobbing. It was loud and gross and he couldn't convince himself to stop. Truth be told, he really didn't try very hard; he just harassed himself with negative thoughts and feelings, until he eventually began hyperventilating.

How he got from the floor to the nurse's office was a blur. It was all tunnel vision and a pounding headache from the moment he collapsed. He remembered a distant voice he was pretty sure belonged to Hasslebery, but whatever he said didn't register. Syrus heard nothing but his own thoughts, and felt nothing but his shaking, tense limbs. At first his thoughts revolved around how he had proven exactly how he didn't deserve what he had, how he wasn't strong enough to even overcome simple things like common decency. It escalated quickly to how disgusting he was, and how much everyone would hate him if they knew what had been going on inside his head.

When he woke up in bed in the nurse's office, Hassleberry was there, snoring in the chair next to him. Looking at the time, Syrus groaned, as he realized that he had been there all afternoon and all evening. It was nearly nine at night, and he had no desire to sleep over. He got up and headed for the door, but he was stopped by Hassleberry speaking.

"Where're ya off to, private?"

"Back to the dorm," Syrus responded, while looking around for his shoes.

He heard Hassleberry get up, so he turned to him, frowning, only to find the same expression reflected back at him. While Syrus was trying to look annoyed, it seemed Hassleberry was just concerned. He didn't know why that would be the case, Syrus was perfectly fine, other than having no shoes and being moments away from having to walk back to the dorm alone at night; he had never been able to be very brave when left by himself in the dark.

Syrus found his shoes and wiggled his feet inside. Hassleberry cleared his throat, so he glared at him.

"Will ya at least wait for me, then? I was only up here to keep an eye on you," he said, clearly displeased with Syrus' attitude. He wasn't entirely sure why he would expect any different, but he was more curious as to why he felt like he should be keeping an eye on him at all.

"It's not like I was dying," Syrus said, opening the door.

Hassleberry fell in step beside him as he started down the hall. He was irritable and exhausted and simply wanted to be in his bed, not one inside the school; despite it being considerably nicer. Syrus glanced up at Hassleberry, wanting to thank him for caring enough to sit with him. Apparently no one else had, and there was a nagging feeling in the back of his mind that said it was because they all knew about what he'd done.

"Hey, did anyone else come by? I was in there quite a while... I dunno," Syrus dropped his sentence off, no longer wanting to know about anyone else. Hassleberry didn't seem to notice.

"No. I was the only one there. I was there when you went down, though, so..." he trailed off, sounding more uncomfortable than Syrus thought he should be.

Looking down at his feet, Syrus' brow furrowed and his lip began quivering. Despite the dread creeping up in his brain telling him not to, he asked another question.

"They must have known it was nothing to get too worked up over, huh?" Syrus asked, forcing out a small chuckle. It wasn't, but it still hurt knowing that no one came by. His pace became slower without him noticing; it just seemed like Hassleberry was going faster, maybe trying to walk ahead and avoid having a conversation with him any longer. Hassleberry slowed down to his pace though, that worried expression etched onto his face. Syrus found it rather annoying.

"They don't know a thing about it. I kept my lips sealed about the whole thing. Just told 'em not to worry, that you just needed to stay late to get in some extra study time," he told him, nodding curtly.

Syrus didn't know why he seemed so pleased with himself. The entire thing sounded ridiculous. Why lie, when there's nothing wrong? He was angry now with Hassleberry for putting the thought in his head that his friends didn't care. It wasn't as if he didn't already worry about that enough. He definitely didn't need his help with that.

"What was the point of that? It's not like it was anything serious. It was just a little panic attack," Syrus snapped, stopping and glaring up at him. He wanted to look fierce but it was unlikely that he did, considering it was Hassleberry he was looking at. Hassleberry responded accordingly, looking back at him with only mild confusion, and that same awful concern.

"I take talk of suicide very seriously, Syrus," Hassleberry responded immediately, his voice stern.

"What?"

Syrus dropped his gaze, a little bewildered. He didn't remember threatening to do anything of the sort. Though, at the time, he had been thinking things such as wanting to disappear, and how everyone and everything would be better off if he were to just die. Had he said those things aloud? He hadn't meant to, because he would never dare say he wanted to do something like... that, especially when he was too afraid to ever follow through on it. He wore his heart and his lack of self-esteem on his sleeve, but that was something entirely different.

"I...I didn't mean anything by it," he said, quietly. "They're just silly thoughts. Me being over-dramatic, that's just how I am, right?" Syrus chuckled nervously as he scratched the back of his neck. He was trying to fight back the tears that were threatening to fall, so that Hassleberry would take him on his word.

"I just got worked up and said whatever came to mind, I guess. Sorry that I worried you. And...thanks for staying with me."

While he gave him a lot of attitude, Syrus was proud to know someone like Hassleberry. He was a good friend and a good person, and in this moment, Syrus felt comforted knowing someone like him cared, despite how horrible he was feeling about himself. Hassleberry's concern didn't seem to go away at all, but the irritation Syrus felt evaporated, and he simply appreciated it. Hassleberry placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Of course. I'll always have your back, soldier."

Syrus felt lighter, and he smiled. That was probably the most sincere moment he had ever had, and would ever have with Hassleberry.

With that, they walked back to the dorm in a comfortable silence.

Once they entered their room, Syrus was startled when Jaden sat up and smiled. It was only for a second, though, before he fell back onto his pillow and snored a little. Sighing, Syrus climbed into bed and laid down, but again, he still didn't sleep very well.

The next morning, Syrus climbed out of bed, still exhausted and sad. He spent the whole day alone in the room, sorting through his deck without any intention of changing it; it was just something to do with his hands. No one except Bastion came up to talk, but Syrus politely turned him away, explaining that he simply wasn't in the mood to socialize.

Once the evening had come, Syrus went to climb in bed, intending to fall asleep early tonight. Before he had even set foot on the ladder, there was a knock at the door. Sighing, he trudged across the room and pulled the door open. His heart felt like it had dropped into his stomach when he saw Chazz standing there, glowering down at him.

"Follow me," he said, his tone unrecognizable.

When he turned on his heel and left, leading the way, Syrus quickly followed. Chazz walked quickly, and Syrus hurried along behind him. He didn't want to walk beside him, but he also really did not want to be snapped at right now. He didn't have the energy to take it with a grain of salt, or to come up with a snarky retort. Chazz led him to the door of his room, and pushed it open, ushering Syrus in first.

Immediately his eyes fell upon Jaden, who was sitting cross-legged in a chair. When his friend noticed they were there, he smiled and waved.

"Hey, Sy!"

He didn't seem to be upset, and that put Syrus at ease. Well, as much at ease as he could be, since whatever Chazz wanted was still unknown and making him nervous. He was shoved lightly from behind as he heard the door close. He stumbled forward and then stopped, unsure of what he was expected to do.

"Sit down, stupid," Chazz snapped, walking past him and taking a seat on the arm of the couch. There was a chair across from where the two of them sat, and Syrus shuffled over to it and took a seat, his heart thudding in his chest. The silence that followed felt like it went on for hours, both him and Jaden taking a turn looking up at Chazz curiously. He, on the other hand, wore stony expression and stared back, as if he were waiting for something. Finally Chazz broke the silence himself.

"Kiss him," Chazz snapped at Jaden, who gave him a confused, and somewhat betrayed look. This made Syrus' heart sink, but it was overshadowed by the bafflement he felt at the odd turn of events. He had not expected this to be why Chazz had brought him to his room. It appeared, based on the confusion on his best friend's face, that Chazz had not told Jaden anything about their conversation a couple days ago. For that, he wished he could feel grateful, but instead he felt horrified, knowing that he was going to have to sit there while Jaden found out. Jaden turned to Syrus, staring at him briefly with concern.

"Sy," he started, trying to smile comfortingly, but Syrus quickly averted his eyes. Jaden frowned and glanced back at Chazz, who gave him a look that Syrus didn't understand. Whatever he was trying to say, Jaden apparently understood, because he turned to address Syrus again.

"Syrus, buddy? Do you want me to?"

Syrus couldn't bring himself to meet his gaze, so he simply shrugged, deciding staring down at his feet would be the safest thing to do. He was rubbing them together nervously, pulling the socks almost off and then back on with his toes. Normally he would stutter something, anything, but this embarrassment was overwhelming and speaking to Jaden wouldn't do anything but set him off crying again. He shifted uncomfortably in his chair as Chazz spoke, using the same tone that he'd had with Jaden.

"Yes or no, loser. He already knows you like him."

His words were followed by a yelp, as Jaden reached over and punched him on the arm. Syrus' heart warmed knowing that Jaden would still stick up for him, despite whatever it was that he was doing with Chazz. It wasn't so surprising that his friend had been acting so uncertain and kind; he probably didn't take it seriously. He didn't take much very seriously.

Syrus glanced up and met Jaden's eyes, now fidgeting with his hands as well. He felt a little shaky and somehow the soft expression on the other boy's face didn't make him feel much better. Jaden usually made him feel better, but the whole situation was far too nerve-wracking and uncomfortable for anything to subside his uneasiness. Despite his instinct to pretend he hadn't heard Chazz, he nodded his head, much more intimidated by having to be reprimanded by him again. He looked up, refusing to meet Jaden's eyes, and answered honestly.

"Y-yes."

Jaden glanced back at Chazz, who simply gave him an expectant look. There was something else there, but Syrus never really knew how to read him. He felt ashamed, and stood to leave.

"Would you sit down?" Chazz growled, standing up as Syrus quickly dropped back into his seat.

"I told you at which point I'd feel uncomfortable, Jaden. I'll be outside." With that said, Chazz went for the door before either of them could say anything at all.

He paused for just a second before he grabbed the door handle, and Syrus felt something for him. He wasn't sure what exactly, but he didn't have a chance to really think about. Chazz had exited the room, shutting the door a little harder than necessary.

Syrus turned back to Jaden. He could feel his cheeks burning and his heart trying to leap out of his chest. His thoughts raced, mostly wondering what Chazz had meant and what Jaden would do now that they were alone. It would be an understatement to say he was embarrassed, especially since Jaden was frowning at the door. However, when Jaden turned and made eye contact with him, his normal huge, friendly grin returned to his face.

"Wow, Sy. You know, I kind of thought he was kidding when he told me. Like a 'what if', thing," he said, his casual tone made Syrus feel a little less on edge, but he also had the feeling he was being teased.

"Yeah, well..." Syrus didn't get to finish. Jaden had surprised him by hopping to his feet and shuffling over closer to him. He pulled the chair he'd been on over to Syrus, and plopped down in it, directly in front of him. Their knees were touching, and Syrus wanted to move away, despite usually liking physical contact with the boy. The embarrassment was threatening to swallow him whole.

"Look, Jaden," he finally said, feeling a little more confident with his friend so calm and Chazz out of the room. The words spilled out of his mouth; he was never very good at speaking when he was so anxious. Or, hardly ever at all, really.

"I don't want to make things weird, I just... I'm really sorry for spying on you, and for-for..."

He threw himself forward, not really sure how to finish. Wrapping his arms around Jaden, he pressed his head into his chest, tears beginning to well in his eyes. It was quiet for a moment, other than Syrus' sniffling. Then Jaden's hand rested on Syrus' head, patting him softly.

"It's okay, Sy. I mean, it's pretty weird you were spying on me... but it's cool. I mean, you're my best friend. I'm not going to judge you for liking me! I am pretty handsome," he said, and Syrus sat up to look at him.

Jaden was chuckling, as he always did when he amused himself. This made Syrus feel a lot less tense. He wasn't sure how to express that he liked him a lot more than just finding him 'handsome', or that he liked him a lot more than just simply liking him. Syrus decided it wasn't important, though. He'd much rather have, at the very least, the friendship Jaden offered him, rather than try to get something that already seemed to belong to Chazz. It would probably only result in him losing it all, and he didn't think he was emotionally stable enough to handle that.

"I'm still sorry, Jay," he said, trying to chuckle too. Laughing with him always made everything in the world a little better. "I swear I'll never do anything like that again."

"Of course not!" Jaden replied, still laughing as he reached back over to ruffle Syrus' hair. "After all, we're gonna get it out of your system!"

Syrus froze. He wasn't really sure what to make of that, and the anxious feeling that had finally left started creeping up again, and his muscles began to tense. This shift in Syrus' behavior was obvious enough that it caught Jaden's attention. He dropped the hand that was in his hair and placed it on his shoulder. Squeezing it lightly, he smiled much more softly than he had been.

"What's up?"

Syrus shrugged and chewed on the inside of his lip for a few seconds before he answered.

"I don't know what you mean by that, Jaden. What are we gonna do?"

"Fool around, of course," Jaden said, laughing again as he leaned back in his chair.

Syrus didn't see what was so funny. In fact, he thought the suggestion was rather offensive. Why would they do something like that if Jaden only wanted to be his friend? Why would they do that if he was quite clearly already with Chazz in that way? Then it occurred to Syrus what Chazz had meant when he left the room. The thought that they had discussed what Jaden was allowed to do with him beforehand embarrassed him more than anything. His whole body stiffened, and he was sure he was blushing even harder than before, but he managed to give Jaden a pretty effective glare.

"I...did I say something wrong? We don't have to..." Jaden was frowning. He was clearly confused, but mostly worried that he'd upset his friend.

"Why would you even suggest that?" Syrus snapped. "I know I probably appear depraved and s-sex obsessed, Jaden, but-" He was losing his steam fast and his knees became the easiest thing to look at. This time there wasn't even a moment's silence.

"I just thought it'd be fun," Jaden said, the laughter in his voice having vanished. "I didn't mean to insult you, buddy. I know you've never kissed anyone before, and since you're so fidgety, I thought trying it out first with me would help. You wouldn't have to be so nervous since you'd done it already, and you'd also have a chance to find out that making out with me isn't that great!"

At the last bit he laughed again, but Syrus was positive he had only said that to break the tension; Jaden wouldn't think so little of anything he did. Unsure of what to say, and the tension still intact, Syrus clung to the least important part of the friendly, albeit misguided, offer.

"I have too been kissed!" he snapped, the anger in him vanishing.

"Oh?" Jaden said, and Syrus could tell he was amused.

Instead of pushing a subject that was going to get him teased more than he wanted to be, he focused on another important flaw in this plan.

"What about Chazz?"

There was a moment in which Jaden didn't speak. Syrus glanced up and saw that he was frowning at the door again, his expression maybe a little sad. Jaden turned back to him, and finding they were making eye contact again, he grinned.

"He doesn't care," Jaden said, shrugging. When Syrus gave him a skeptical look, Jaden corrected himself. "He's fine with it. Don't worry, Sy, it's not a big deal. But if it bothers you, we can pretend I didn't say a word about it."

"No!" Syrus exclaimed, startling Jaden. Meekly, he added, "I-it doesn't bother me. I...I like the idea."

Grinning, Jaden grabbed Syrus by the hand and pulled him over to the couch. Syrus sat down, and not sure what to do, he stared down at his lap again. His heart was racing and when Jaden sat down next to him, he almost changed his mind. He didn't have much time to consider it, though. Jaden lifted his chin and smiled as he pressed his lips against Syrus'.

The kiss was entirely different from the way he watched Jaden kiss before. This was deliberately slow and soft, whereas there was a clear aggressive passion when he and Chazz had kissed. Syrus was surprised by how easy it was to kiss someone back. He didn't know if he was disappointed by the difference of the action, or relieved and maybe even flattered. Jaden treating him different pushed aside the uneasiness in his mind and the feeling that he wasn't really there with him at all.

Jaden's hand had moved from his chin to the back of his neck, pulling him closer. His other hand went inside Syrus' jacket and gripped his waist. Syrus clung to the arm reaching around him, unsure of what else to do with his hands. His head felt light, his groin was warm, and his legs were tingling; part of which he associated immediately with the tightness of his pants that had started the moment Jaden had suggested this. All of it, however, he related to Jaden's mouth now moving against his neck, using just a little bit of teeth, and the hand on his waist traveling down his hip and to his thigh.

After a moment Jaden pulled back, grinning and bemused. Syrus' expression turned to worry, at which Jaden chuckled.

"Sy, you're supposed to move. You're just kind of sitting there awkwardly. Hey! I got an idea."

Syrus didn't have time to respond because Jaden suddenly moved him so that he was on his back. Crawling over him, Jaden settled one knee between his legs. Jaden's smile was friendly, and Syrus' chest relaxed. This time when Jaden kissed him, it wasn't quite as soft. It took less time before Syrus needed to take a breath, and at one point, when his mouth was opened slightly, Jaden leaned back in, and he felt his tongue slip inside.

It started out light; soft like in the beginning, but unlike then, it escalated quickly into something new. The kiss deepened, and while it felt almost unnatural, Syrus was positive he liked it. At some point during this different kind of kiss, Syrus sighed and Jaden lowered himself on top of him, his side pressed between his legs. He moaned at the sudden contact, and Jaden lifted himself up on his elbows and titled his head, smirking.

"Huh," he said, humor in his voice. "You're easily excited."

Syrus glared at the look on his face, preparing to say something nasty, but Jaden stopped his thoughts by kissing him swiftly before sitting up.

"I've got an idea, Sy. It'll be great, promise!"

He pulled him up by the arms, and Syrus watched in confusion as Jaden slipped off the couch and on to his knees. He settled himself between Syrus' legs and grinned up at him. When he reached up and started unbuttoning his pants, Syrus was suddenly very aware of what the idea had been. Freezing, he felt the blood rush to his cheeks, horrified that Jaden was about to see his less than impressive penis, up close and personal.

It was as if all the anxiety Syrus had been feeling since this started, since he'd began watching Jaden, hit him hard and all at once. He'd felt dirty and horrible from the start, unsure as to why he would think, want, or do any of the things he did. Now, however, a wave of his built up guilt and anxiety crashed over him, and he realized how much he hadn't been enjoying this moment at all. Now that something was seriously about to happen, he was suddenly able to think with his head rather than his heart or his dick. He let out a strangled noise, and pulled himself up and away from Jaden, before his friend was able to get his pants past his hips. Jaden could only watch in confusion as Syrus tumbled over the back of the couch.

"Syrus? Are you okay?" Jaden asked, crawling onto the couch to look over the back at him.

He was concerned and understandably so. Syrus was pretty sure he was going to explode, and exploding definitely wasn't a thing to be taken lightly.

It took a moment before it became obvious to Syrus that tears were streaming down his face. He wasn't surprised; him crying wasn't a new thing, after all. Shaking, he stumbled to his feet, avoiding Jaden's eyes. He didn't want his pity, because he felt awful enough about himself as it was. His emotions were jumbled, and as he went for the door he began sobbing openly, stumbling over his feet as he went.

For the most part, he felt embarrassed and guilty for making his friends feel like they needed to help him with this in this way, and about how he hadn't been completely honest about his feelings when he spoke to Chazz. However, there was an anger rising in him as he thought about how they had assumed they could just let him borrow Jaden. They both seemed to think he didn't care enough about his best friend to feel something more when it came to something like sex, and that it was something that would just go away if he 'got it out of his system'.

He heard Jaden call his name again, but he ignored him, yanking the door open. Chazz was, as his luck would have it, on the other side of the door. He was holding his hand out as if he was about to open the door himself, and his scowl made it apparent that he had heard the commotion. Syrus stumbled back, as Chazz walked in without any consideration to him standing there.

"What the hell is with all the racket?" he asked, snapping the door shut behind him.

Syrus had fallen to the floor and was looking up at him in despair. Chazz frowned, still glaring, and looked over to the couch where Jaden was now standing.

"What did you do to him? You better have not made some stupid Duel Monsters pun."

"I didn't!" Jaden exclaimed.

Syrus lowered his head into his hands, offended, but hardly surprised that Chazz would make a joke right now. Shaking as he cried silently, he could hear Jaden moving toward him. After a couple seconds, there was a hand on his back, patting him gently.

"It was fine, and then when I went to blow him, he freaked out," Jaden explained, concerned and confused.

"You did what?" Chazz shouted.

When he spoke again, he spoke in a normal voice. It was obviously only for the sake of anyone who might be walking by these apparently rather thin walls. If not for that, Syrus was sure he would have continued shouting.

"What part of the 'what not to do' list did you fail to understand?"

"I didn't- It just seemed like a good idea in the moment."

Jaden sounded flustered, and this entire conversation actually taking place only fueled the anger in Syrus. It left him feeling even more embarrassed, but even worse, it brought up his usual feeling of loneliness. This time it was more hollow than it had been in a long time. He sobbed loudly, not able to control the volume any longer, and pulled his knees up to hide his face.

"Obviously it wasn't," Chazz snapped. "Syrus, get up. That isn't anything to cry about."

"Shut up!" Syrus yelled into his knees. He felt Jaden's hand move from his back, and he felt a little braver because of that. The pitying touch was gone, and it allowed the anger to take him over - something he needed to let happen. He lifted his head to look at the both of him. While he was still crying, he glared fiercely.

"I shouldn't have done what I did, and I'm sorry! But this is just cruel, okay? I expect _you_ to be mean, Chazz. But I don't know why you would do this to me, Jaden." He turned his head to see the hurt bafflement on his friend's face. He continued anyway.

"I don't appreciate being treated like I don't have any feelings! I know I acted like a total pervert, but I wouldn't just want to have meaningless...whatever, with you, Jaden. It's not like you're j-just-" Syrus started to fidget with his finger nails, losing the stamina and confidence he had.

"I didn't think-" Jaden started, and this set Syrus off again.

"No, you didn't think! When do you? Both of you treated it like it was nothing, and no one stopped to consider that maybe I wasn't just watching you as m-ma-masturbation fodder," Syrus blushed harder than he ever had in his life, he was sure of it.

He noticed Chazz raise his eyebrow, but by the frown on his face, Syrus knew he really didn't want to listen to where this was going. Unfortunately for him, Syrus did not care. Realizing this gave him the courage to just say it; to confess what he felt.

"I love you, Jaden. I-" Syrus watched his friend's face fall, and he was sure he felt his heart literally break. There was a short moment of silence between the three of them, and Jaden was kind enough to be the one to break it for them.

"I love you, too, Sy. You're my best friend."

Syrus wasn't sure if he was being intentionally dense, and that frustrated him. He didn't want the sensation of rejection twice. It was far too painful, already.

"That's not what he meant, idiot," Chazz snapped, and for the first time Syrus was glad Chazz possessed the ability to speak.

"I know," Jaden said, "But... Syrus, I'm sorry. I really didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I don't love you _in that way_, but, you are my best friend and I care a lot about you. Can that be enough? I promise to be more aware of your feelings. And I'm sure Chazz didn't mean to upset you."

"I sure as hell wouldn't have done anything if I knew about that," Chazz responded, but there wasn't any anger in his voice.

Syrus wanted to be mad, but the sincerity of the misunderstanding made it difficult. He was upset with them for being so self-involved, but it really wasn't a surprise; that was how they had always been. Mostly, he was upset with himself for not being honest from the start. Doing so could have prevented the entire situation.

Syrus stood up, as he finally stopped crying. He didn't smile. Instead he just shrugged and looked down at Jaden, who was sitting cross-legged on the floor. Jaden watched him, worried, and Syrus sighed.

"It's fine, Jay," he said, fighting his voice's urge to crack. "I'll see you in the morning, okay."

Chazz stepped out of the way as Syrus headed for the door. He sighed heavily, and stepped outside into the cold night, prepared for the tears that would inevitably come back when his head hit the pillow.

_The End._

* * *

_Chazz and Jaden's sex scene was based on the microfic Stark Raving White written by stupidlittleinches on Tumblr._


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